I have often thought it was strange that as we grow up we learn many things from history, religion, science and maths but we are not taught the essentials and fundamental aspects about what it is to be human and to live our lives from following our dreams to creating successful relationships.
Maybe it's one of those things we need to discover for ourselves as the more challenge we face and overcome the more we discover about ourselves and grow.
When I met John years ago I was fiercely independent and had a string of unsuccessful relationships behind me. I didn't know how to exist in a relationship - I was afraid of intimacy and scared of getting too close. With no real understanding of what it means to be in a relationship I kept a tight hold of my independence.
As I grew up in a family of seven siblings and being the second youngest independence was my survival mode. I learnt very quickly that I had to be independent and look after myself. I am truly grateful for that experience as it gave me the courage to do so many things in my life - travelled around India, Thailand, Indonesia and Africa. I have skydived, white water rafted, climbed a active volcano, sat with organatangs in Borneo in the rain forest and watched wild gorillas in Zaire (now the Congo). My independence also gave me the courage to move to a whole new country and city London (I grew up in a small town in Tasmania Australia so this was a huge contrast for me!).
I thought independence what about going solo, doing it alone and hiding myself from others.
I still remember the first day John and I met. I knew instantly he was the "one" but yet was frightened of the prospect of allowing someone into my world, losing my independence and that person seeing the real me.
I realised that I had two options.
The first option was to keep my heart and my true self so tightly guarded that John would only experience part of me - the part I wanted to share. I would keep myself protected, keep my independence and everything would be on my terms.
The second option would be a step of courage. I would learn how to open my heart and self to John in a way I have never done before. Feelings scared I realised I wanted to follow the second option.
I am so happy and joyful I did! To be honest, initially it was very difficult but I learnt so much about myself and what I am capable of. I discovered the true meaning of relationships.
Relationships are a partnership of two souls coming together in a place of love, joy and happiness. It's a place where the heart, mind, body and soul are open to give and to receive on a personal, emotional and intimate level. Successful relationships are created when both partners work together to live their shared vision, goals and dreams in life.
From this place a unity and teamwork, regardless what we may face in our lives and relationship we will have the strength to overcome it.
I didn't lose my independence as it is still there on some level. It's softer and more feminine and it no longer operates out of a place of fear of connection and intimacy. When I let go of the fear I opened myself up a whole new set of possibilities for myself and my relationship with John. In our relationship we honour each other, our own dreams and goals in life but also unite and work towards a shared vision and goal together.
Linda Connors therapist and coach
About the Art of Successful Relationships
Linda and John created the Art of Successful Relationships to provide couple counselling and relationship coaching with a difference. To find out more call us on 075 34213557.
THE RELATIONSHIP EXPERTS International Relationship Experts John Donlon and Linda Connors have over 30 experience between them. They offer powerful and life changing relationship couple counselling and personal development programmes. They work with individuals and couples in the UK, America, Europe and Australia. If you are in relationship crisis are ready to take the first step into saving your relationship you can contact us on 0800 024 86 47.
Linda and John offer relationship advice, solutions and share their thoughts on love, relationships, marriage and intimacy.
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