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COMMUNICATE IN A NEW WAY
Did you know, even when we are trying to pay attention to our partner, neuroscience shows we can miss 87% of what they are saying?
Imagine that. We hear 13% of our partner's communication. And that's when we're present and trying to listen.
And when we're tired, triggered, arguing, in conflict, the amount we hear is way less! It can go down, to zero %.
Because when we hear we can miss so much, and interpret so much, often we are not even "getting" the real person we're in conversation with. So we are in effect making up stories about our partner. And as we make up stories in our own mind, because our perceptions are so absolute, there's often no space for curiosity. We think we already know. And whether the stories in our mind about our partner are true or not, we act as if they are true.
Our story about or partner might go, "You think you know everything! You think you're always right!" and if we hold that story, guess how we're going to act? We're probably going to hold ourselves angrily and self-righteously.
Doing a U-turn to look at ourselves
How we hold ourselves, is always worth noticing. Because that is who we are in the world. So instead of looking at other people, and thinking or imagining how they are, when we notice how we hold ourselves, we do a U-turn, and look back at ourselves, to discover what's really going on in us. And if we are curious and kind and compassionate with the parts of us which are coming up on the other side of our interactions with others', we can get into relationship and have some agency with all parts of us, and with our feelings.
It's like the Buddhists have a saying. They don't say, "I'm angry." They say, "I am with anger." That means I am not in my anger, like in the ocean, I am beside the ocean, I have some relationship with it, and having some relationship with it, I can have some curiosity and agency with it.
If I want to get to know all parts of me, I need to be able to be with them. Not be in them. And especially if I want to heal all parts of me, I need to get into relationship, to help them.
Doing a Re-turn to come back to our partner with more clarity
Once we can get into relationship with our own parts, and help them have more clarity, curiosity, bring a little healing to them, and kindness, then we can Re-turn with more clarity, kindness, curiosity, and resources, to the person who's on the other side of the conversation we are having. Or at least a little more.
And we can learn new skills. We can change our language. Instead of saying, "You are..." We can give the person a gap and get curious about what they are really thinking and feeling.
We can recognise and get around the absolute nature of our perception. One beautiful way of doing this, is instead of saying "You are..." to begin instead, with the words, "My story about you is..." and beginning with those words, that gives us enough space to realise we are holding a story about our partner which may or may not be true, and gives our partner just enough space, to come back with whatever is truly in their heart, and what they are actually thinking and feeling.
A Meeting of Heart, Mind and Spirits
In this way, we can give them the opportunity to really come forwards authentically and reply to us, fill in the gaps in our perception, and actually meet them as who they truly are.
We can begin to change the whole dynamic of our encounter with our partner, and begin to really engage with and encounter each other as we really are - and amazingly that gives us a chance to be more real on the other side of the relationship. It sets up a meeting of hearts.
Next Steps
If you are interested to learn more...
You can discover how to speak without criticism, turning your frustrations into wishes, and criticisms into positive requests, using warm tones of voice and friendly eyes with requests which are far easier for your partner to hear and more inspiring for them to meet.
You can learn to listen without judgement, with your whole being, your heart, your mind, your body, your energy, your spirit, so that your partner feels truly heard, understood, and appreciated - without you losing yourself, your opinion, your reality, and to become able to connect beyond your differences, in a way which makes your mutual experience richer because of the way you interact and are together.
And as your partner signs up to learns the same ways of being to reciprocate and create flow...
You can both learn new ways to craft and create the kind of experiences you want, so that you can make your relationship more co-operative, admiring, wonderous, and fun!
This is such a long way from conflict and wounding each other daily, feeling more and more alone, because your partner doesn't hear you, and feeling mis-understood and criticized because your partner believes that you should be like them and live only in their reality!
To Transform Your Relationship You Need To: Grow Yourself - Be Receptive To Your Partner Changing For the Better
- And Celebrate Each Other's Growth!
Learning these communication steps and more, you will transform the way you talk with each other, and moreover the way you each are, because as you grow as a human being to meet your partner's needs, and they grow as a human being to meet yours', you both move out of the conflict-power-struggle phases of mid-relationship, and into co-operation, team-work, adoration, and crafting and creating a life with even greater freedom, aligned with giving more and living your purpose, so you become more powerful and graced human beings, in line with your Self-essence and Source, as partners' in each others' healing and well-being.
Call John If You Want To Turn Mis-Communication Into Deeper Understanding And Connection And Craft With Greater Skills and Expertise New Positive Experiences Today, on 0795 412 9046.
.
COMMUNICATE IN A NEW WAY
Did you know, even when we are trying to pay attention to our partner, neuroscience shows we can miss 87% of what they are saying?
Imagine that. We hear 13% of our partner's communication. And that's when we're present and trying to listen.
And when we're tired, triggered, arguing, in conflict, the amount we hear is way less! It can go down, to zero %.
Because when we hear we can miss so much, and interpret so much, often we are not even "getting" the real person we're in conversation with. So we are in effect making up stories about our partner. And as we make up stories in our own mind, because our perceptions are so absolute, there's often no space for curiosity. We think we already know. And whether the stories in our mind about our partner are true or not, we act as if they are true.
Our story about or partner might go, "You think you know everything! You think you're always right!" and if we hold that story, guess how we're going to act? We're probably going to hold ourselves angrily and self-righteously.
Doing a U-turn to look at ourselves
How we hold ourselves, is always worth noticing. Because that is who we are in the world. So instead of looking at other people, and thinking or imagining how they are, when we notice how we hold ourselves, we do a U-turn, and look back at ourselves, to discover what's really going on in us. And if we are curious and kind and compassionate with the parts of us which are coming up on the other side of our interactions with others', we can get into relationship and have some agency with all parts of us, and with our feelings.
It's like the Buddhists have a saying. They don't say, "I'm angry." They say, "I am with anger." That means I am not in my anger, like in the ocean, I am beside the ocean, I have some relationship with it, and having some relationship with it, I can have some curiosity and agency with it.
If I want to get to know all parts of me, I need to be able to be with them. Not be in them. And especially if I want to heal all parts of me, I need to get into relationship, to help them.
Doing a Re-turn to come back to our partner with more clarity
Once we can get into relationship with our own parts, and help them have more clarity, curiosity, bring a little healing to them, and kindness, then we can Re-turn with more clarity, kindness, curiosity, and resources, to the person who's on the other side of the conversation we are having. Or at least a little more.
And we can learn new skills. We can change our language. Instead of saying, "You are..." We can give the person a gap and get curious about what they are really thinking and feeling.
We can recognise and get around the absolute nature of our perception. One beautiful way of doing this, is instead of saying "You are..." to begin instead, with the words, "My story about you is..." and beginning with those words, that gives us enough space to realise we are holding a story about our partner which may or may not be true, and gives our partner just enough space, to come back with whatever is truly in their heart, and what they are actually thinking and feeling.
A Meeting of Heart, Mind and Spirits
In this way, we can give them the opportunity to really come forwards authentically and reply to us, fill in the gaps in our perception, and actually meet them as who they truly are.
We can begin to change the whole dynamic of our encounter with our partner, and begin to really engage with and encounter each other as we really are - and amazingly that gives us a chance to be more real on the other side of the relationship. It sets up a meeting of hearts.
Next Steps
If you are interested to learn more...
You can discover how to speak without criticism, turning your frustrations into wishes, and criticisms into positive requests, using warm tones of voice and friendly eyes with requests which are far easier for your partner to hear and more inspiring for them to meet.
You can learn to listen without judgement, with your whole being, your heart, your mind, your body, your energy, your spirit, so that your partner feels truly heard, understood, and appreciated - without you losing yourself, your opinion, your reality, and to become able to connect beyond your differences, in a way which makes your mutual experience richer because of the way you interact and are together.
And as your partner signs up to learns the same ways of being to reciprocate and create flow...
You can both learn new ways to craft and create the kind of experiences you want, so that you can make your relationship more co-operative, admiring, wonderous, and fun!
This is such a long way from conflict and wounding each other daily, feeling more and more alone, because your partner doesn't hear you, and feeling mis-understood and criticized because your partner believes that you should be like them and live only in their reality!
To Transform Your Relationship You Need To: Grow Yourself - Be Receptive To Your Partner Changing For the Better
- And Celebrate Each Other's Growth!
Learning these communication steps and more, you will transform the way you talk with each other, and moreover the way you each are, because as you grow as a human being to meet your partner's needs, and they grow as a human being to meet yours', you both move out of the conflict-power-struggle phases of mid-relationship, and into co-operation, team-work, adoration, and crafting and creating a life with even greater freedom, aligned with giving more and living your purpose, so you become more powerful and graced human beings, in line with your Self-essence and Source, as partners' in each others' healing and well-being.
Call John If You Want To Turn Mis-Communication Into Deeper Understanding And Connection And Craft With Greater Skills and Expertise New Positive Experiences Today, on 0795 412 9046.
.
