E
Existential Psychotherapy
This means coming into existence fully as the unique human being you are. From the womb, to birth, to infancy, childhood, adolescence, and adulthood, on a life path which is continually evolving and growing, facing our human situation and mortality and choosing and living out our meaning of contribution to others, to animals, to the planet, in the face of death and of dynamics and elements of the body, mind, heart and spirit which are eternal - and discovering and creating your own frameworks of reference, beliefs, values, skills, talents and abilities as you continue to grow and contribute.
You Need to become an Individual and be fulfilled as an individual to be happy in a couple.
Systemic Therapy
It is true we are all highly individual and this is prized in our society. But too highly prized. We are not taught how to interact, how to relate, how to work and co-create as a team.
Furthermore we all have a predominant way of processing and experiencing the world. We all do everything - but usually most people have a favoured style: they are kinetic (they process with their body and feelings - so a kinetic person would get the feeling of something first, and then put words to the feelings; some people are more visual (they see images in their minds and put words to the images - they want to be "shown" things or they show how much they love you in gestures and use words like "I can see what you mean.;" and some people are Auditory (words are very important to them - and they will take you Exactly at your word - and remember everything as it was said months later. They will use language like, "I like the sound of that," and "I hear what your saying," "Sounds good to me!")
Of course there are times when we all use different senses and ways of processing the world. And when we get good at it we can combine them expertly. But most of us have a favoured way of processing most of the time. What this means is, if you are visual, and your partner is kinetic, you are speaking different languages! Or if you are visual and your partner is visual you are likely to process things in a similar way.
What is interesting then are your values and beliefs - and your hierarchy of values. I have seen a couple fall out because one of them thought that education was the most important thing for their child and the other thought the quality of job their child got in the end was all that mattered regardless of education. It never occurred to them to align their values wanting the best of both worlds for their child. They believed it was either one thing or the other - and it was a discovery to them when we worked together that these values could exist in a complementary way.
So although we are highly individual we Need to work as a Team.
And you need to put your relationship before your children or anything else - so your partner experiences they are no. 1 in your life.
Once you learn to speak each other's language, are aligned in your vision of your lives together, supporting each other's purpose, and meeting your partner's needs in the way they need them to be met, you begin to form a model of love which can make your relationship and you as individuals blossom and thrive together.
This means coming into existence fully as the unique human being you are. From the womb, to birth, to infancy, childhood, adolescence, and adulthood, on a life path which is continually evolving and growing, facing our human situation and mortality and choosing and living out our meaning of contribution to others, to animals, to the planet, in the face of death and of dynamics and elements of the body, mind, heart and spirit which are eternal - and discovering and creating your own frameworks of reference, beliefs, values, skills, talents and abilities as you continue to grow and contribute.
You Need to become an Individual and be fulfilled as an individual to be happy in a couple.
Systemic Therapy
It is true we are all highly individual and this is prized in our society. But too highly prized. We are not taught how to interact, how to relate, how to work and co-create as a team.
Furthermore we all have a predominant way of processing and experiencing the world. We all do everything - but usually most people have a favoured style: they are kinetic (they process with their body and feelings - so a kinetic person would get the feeling of something first, and then put words to the feelings; some people are more visual (they see images in their minds and put words to the images - they want to be "shown" things or they show how much they love you in gestures and use words like "I can see what you mean.;" and some people are Auditory (words are very important to them - and they will take you Exactly at your word - and remember everything as it was said months later. They will use language like, "I like the sound of that," and "I hear what your saying," "Sounds good to me!")
Of course there are times when we all use different senses and ways of processing the world. And when we get good at it we can combine them expertly. But most of us have a favoured way of processing most of the time. What this means is, if you are visual, and your partner is kinetic, you are speaking different languages! Or if you are visual and your partner is visual you are likely to process things in a similar way.
What is interesting then are your values and beliefs - and your hierarchy of values. I have seen a couple fall out because one of them thought that education was the most important thing for their child and the other thought the quality of job their child got in the end was all that mattered regardless of education. It never occurred to them to align their values wanting the best of both worlds for their child. They believed it was either one thing or the other - and it was a discovery to them when we worked together that these values could exist in a complementary way.
So although we are highly individual we Need to work as a Team.
And you need to put your relationship before your children or anything else - so your partner experiences they are no. 1 in your life.
Once you learn to speak each other's language, are aligned in your vision of your lives together, supporting each other's purpose, and meeting your partner's needs in the way they need them to be met, you begin to form a model of love which can make your relationship and you as individuals blossom and thrive together.
