About John Donlon - Psychosexual Couple and Marriage Counsellor and Relationship Coach
John Donlon Couples Therapist
Why I became a Couples Counsellor
Years ago I was in love, and my own heart was broken. I was confused as to what went wrong in the relationship. I sought help, and turned to working with one of the top relationship coaches in the America at the time. Through working with me and mentoring, they helped me discover what went wrong in the relationship, and more importantly, how to come into alignment with myself and any future partner and to build and create a strong, lasting and fulfilling relationship.
And I thought, "How wonderful to save people going through the pain I went through - if only they had the tools, the wisdom, to tap into something deeper and craft their love and relationship into something giving and miraculous and enduring? That is what it is about, contribution."
So with this new understanding I found I was able to help couples who were very different from each other, who were being destroyed by the way they approached their differences, through misunderstanding, through sorting for the wrong things, through mis-focusing their attention and missing what was really important - potentially missing the things which could bring them together....I found through my experience, training and intuition, I could help couples really communicate and understand each other on a different level.
And I not only looked at when things went wrong, I looked at when things went right, with many couples. Again and again I could see common denominators of successful relationships. So I took time to deliberately create a model which empowered couples to come together, work as a team, and grow their relationship.
I realised nearly all relationships have profound connection at times.
Only sometimes people get lost. Intelligent, good people. Being in a couple is very different from any other kind of relationship. Just because someone is a lovely individual in every other area of their life, doesn't mean to say they can form a bridge and work with a partner they are with 24/7.
Then I thought, "Imagine being able to regain and re-create that connection and find your way back to each other when you wanted to?"
I found I could give people the experience of doing that, and more importantly the tools that fitted into their own hands - their own different ways of being, to complement each other and do that, for as long as they wanted.
Most people when they know how and are not confounded any more allow their love to flow freely. And focus on that. Of course, they will have issues. But now they don't need to stay stuck. They don't hope their relationship will be good. They learn how to make it good and through practice this becomes a knowing they have. They practice and use the tools and put themselves in the states and ways of being they want to be in on a consistent basis, which keeps them growing and feeling alive and connected with each other. And one of the most important things they learn, is Relationship Repair. This brings them back into connection, with the daily mis-attunements we all have, and helps repair the major hurts in the relationship, and lifts out the energy of those hurts, so the relationship is unburdened, lighter, and more compassionate and skillfully loving.
My own journey turned out to be working with others. And that, and seeing the results, is powerful, and I am learning all the time.
I am blessed to work with couples, some on the edge of separation or divorce - and see them turn things around from these places.
Sometimes fear is very big and couples do not know what will happen. However, we don't work for couples to break up. We work so couples gain new skills and experience working better together than ever before, so they can make their own decisions and choose their new outcomes, from an empowered place.
To be able to give them direction through creating communication and mutual support, I see couples change before my eyes.
And all couples, at times, including myself, can do with someone who is neutral, who can help couples form a bridge, and talk to one another in a more positive way, from a better place.
We all need that sometimes. And it is out of wisdom I feel, couples seek help.
Years ago I was in love, and my own heart was broken. I was confused as to what went wrong in the relationship. I sought help, and turned to working with one of the top relationship coaches in the America at the time. Through working with me and mentoring, they helped me discover what went wrong in the relationship, and more importantly, how to come into alignment with myself and any future partner and to build and create a strong, lasting and fulfilling relationship.
And I thought, "How wonderful to save people going through the pain I went through - if only they had the tools, the wisdom, to tap into something deeper and craft their love and relationship into something giving and miraculous and enduring? That is what it is about, contribution."
So with this new understanding I found I was able to help couples who were very different from each other, who were being destroyed by the way they approached their differences, through misunderstanding, through sorting for the wrong things, through mis-focusing their attention and missing what was really important - potentially missing the things which could bring them together....I found through my experience, training and intuition, I could help couples really communicate and understand each other on a different level.
And I not only looked at when things went wrong, I looked at when things went right, with many couples. Again and again I could see common denominators of successful relationships. So I took time to deliberately create a model which empowered couples to come together, work as a team, and grow their relationship.
I realised nearly all relationships have profound connection at times.
Only sometimes people get lost. Intelligent, good people. Being in a couple is very different from any other kind of relationship. Just because someone is a lovely individual in every other area of their life, doesn't mean to say they can form a bridge and work with a partner they are with 24/7.
Then I thought, "Imagine being able to regain and re-create that connection and find your way back to each other when you wanted to?"
I found I could give people the experience of doing that, and more importantly the tools that fitted into their own hands - their own different ways of being, to complement each other and do that, for as long as they wanted.
Most people when they know how and are not confounded any more allow their love to flow freely. And focus on that. Of course, they will have issues. But now they don't need to stay stuck. They don't hope their relationship will be good. They learn how to make it good and through practice this becomes a knowing they have. They practice and use the tools and put themselves in the states and ways of being they want to be in on a consistent basis, which keeps them growing and feeling alive and connected with each other. And one of the most important things they learn, is Relationship Repair. This brings them back into connection, with the daily mis-attunements we all have, and helps repair the major hurts in the relationship, and lifts out the energy of those hurts, so the relationship is unburdened, lighter, and more compassionate and skillfully loving.
My own journey turned out to be working with others. And that, and seeing the results, is powerful, and I am learning all the time.
I am blessed to work with couples, some on the edge of separation or divorce - and see them turn things around from these places.
Sometimes fear is very big and couples do not know what will happen. However, we don't work for couples to break up. We work so couples gain new skills and experience working better together than ever before, so they can make their own decisions and choose their new outcomes, from an empowered place.
To be able to give them direction through creating communication and mutual support, I see couples change before my eyes.
And all couples, at times, including myself, can do with someone who is neutral, who can help couples form a bridge, and talk to one another in a more positive way, from a better place.
We all need that sometimes. And it is out of wisdom I feel, couples seek help.
