When I was stuck in my own therapy, I sat in front of my therapists, and admitted, "I'm stuck. I've been stuck for a long time. I need your help. I need a bigger perspective than I have, than my system has, to get me out of this stuckness. You have a bigger perspective than I have. I'd like to hear it. I need your help."
That was the moment, I became an ideal client, and my therapist became my helper.
I took the idea from Einstein, that I couldn't solve the problems I had using the same thinking I used to create them.
And my own idea, I needed something bigger, outside of my own system, a bigger perspective than I had, to get out of my stuckness.
It was very humbling.
However, that was the first session in many months, where really big movement and transformations began. And every session since then, I come into therapy with the same two insights, and basic attitude, and miraculously, transformation keeps happening.
Imagine how rare that is, for a person to come into therapy like this!
Previously, I had my own answers. The way I knew things should go. My own direction. And from within the same mindset I kept producing the same results. Endlessly.
Then I got really tired of it. I really needed something to change. So, metaphorically, I fell on my knees, and asked for help, bigger than me.
And that was when the magic happened.
After years of suffering, things really began to change. My whole life began to open out. Parts of me that were traumatised and locked off for decades became available and began to heal and unburden of the energies they were carrying, and come into their more original, spontaneous, life-giving ways of being.
My whole life began to change. And my relationships, too. Some of them were always good, and very blessed, and rich, and fun. But the more problematic ones also really started moving, and becoming, for me, blessed, too.
So if I were to offer you, as an individual, or a couple, two things, with which you could come into coaching and sit in front of your coach holding, as a mindset, which would open your whole mind and heart and system out, towards receiving your own greatest transformation, it would be simply to come and sit before your trusted therapist with these truths:
1) We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we use to create them.
2) We cannot get out of our stuckness, without a Bigger Perspective, outside of what we have now, to get unstuck. Invite your coach or therapist to give you more than you have.
Please try it for yourself. And please give your feedback. Once you first find a coach or therapist really attuned to your higher essence, I would truly love to hear your experiences.
Warmest wishes, John
The Three Stages of Therapy are (roughly):
2) The Liminal Space of Learning and Practicing in your daily life
3) Embodying the mindset
Of course, these stages can be combined, and happen all at once, even in one session. But here is the point I really want to make. Often people imagine they can get the information and embody the mindset straight away.
I can't tell you, how many times I've seen people fail, because they assumed once they have the cognitive knowledge, they have all they need.
They don't spend anything like enough time in Stage 2 - The Liminal Space of Learning And Practising (usually at least 3 months), to reach Stage 3, Embodying The Mindset.
One brilliant man I know, who was virtually a creative entrepreneurial genius, assumed he got everything, and went out, and didn't live the skills he'd been told of, and spectacularly crashed and burned, and is living a semi-existence with his partner still...repeating the same behaviours which brought him into crisis in the first place...and perhaps even worse, as he allegedly now knows what to do...and is not doing it, with his suffering partner...
This is very sad indeed, to my heart.
So to Succeed in Therapy, you really need to practice daily, and begin to really live, what you are cognitively hearing, to really embrace it on a deeper level.
I like to say, "This works, because it takes time; and it doesn't work, because it takes time."
So to Succeed, you really need to stay long enough in Stage 2, so that you really get to Stage 3, and by that time, if your really practice, and live the process, your transformations will be beginning to be embodied.
If you have any thoughts, or reflections, or experiences of your own, I would really love to hear from you.
I hope this is helpful, and I hope you create many beautiful experiences with each other, which light up and live in your heart.
Warmest wishes, John
John offers relationship advice, solutions and share their thoughts on love, relationships, marriage and intimacy.