Most of us know that men and women have their differences - each sex having different motivations, drives and focus. This is what make relationships wonderful - two people coming together who are unique, individuals and with their own strengths into making a powerful and strong partnership.
In an ideal world each partner would value, appreciate and respect the other partner's strengths, individuality, and uniqueness. Sadly this doesn't happen as at times some couples (or one partner) are driven by fear and insecurity and to overcompensate this fear and insecurity become, in a sense, controlling and try to change the other into a version of themselves.
"You should behave in this way"
"You should go for this job"
"Don't do that with the children"
"Don't drive like that"
"Be home by 10pm"
"Do not speak like that"
There's a lot of should and don'ts. When women take on the role of trying to change her partner men she often feels like she has taken on the mothering role and men can often feel they need space to breathe. When men take on this role of trying to change their partner they often feel frustrated and are goal orientated and women can often feel they are not being listened to or understood.
What makes your relationship stronger is the differences and how these come together to create a partnership which is strong, passionate, and joyful. Learn to embrace and enjoy these differences.
I like to look upon relationships as an journey of evolution. Each stage you get to know each other in a whole new light, from when you first met, starting dating, becoming serious, moving in together, getting married, creating a family and raising children together.
Each chapter on this journey in an opportunity to get to know each in a deeper and more meaningful way. Appreciate each other's strengths and weaknesses. Use conflicts as a means to not only understand your partner, but also understand yourself in a new way - your fears, insecurities, and motivations.
As you let go of the fear and understand your insecurities the need for trying to change your partner into a version of yourself will be reduced or simply no longer be there.
Earlier I said that in an ideal world each partner would value, respect, appreciate and honour the other partner's strengths, individuality and uniqueness. You can create that ideal world and on the Heart of Relationships London Couple Counselling and Coaching Programme we will show you how with space, teachings and understanding in a step by step approach to helping you get from where you currently are where you want to be.
Want to find out more? Click here to contact us.
Linda Connors - Therapist and Coach
THE RELATIONSHIP EXPERTS International Relationship Experts John Donlon and Linda Connors have over 30 experience between them. They offer powerful and life changing relationship couple counselling and personal development programmes. They work with individuals and couples in the UK, America, Europe and Australia. If you are in relationship crisis are ready to take the first step into saving your relationship you can contact us on 0800 024 86 47.
John offers relationship advice, solutions and share their thoughts on love, relationships, marriage and intimacy.