A good therapist may help you to save your relationship - a great therapist will make your relationship better than it was ever before.The quality of therapist you choose, will determine the quality of relationship you achieve, and the quality of life you have.
That is why I teach communication skills to couples at the advanced levels taught to therapists - so that you can implement these skills into your daily lives - which changes the way you experience yourself, your partner and your life - increasing love and connection, in a way where you speak more directly, openly, and with more positive focus than ever before.
When two people do this, they create a positive circle. This is true because generosity and love inspires generosity and love. It makes us want to do things for our partner.
Often we do this anyway, but in a way in which we want to be loved. This may not fit our partner's model of the world nor who they are. I help couples to love their partner in accordance with their partners' model of the world in a way they can really receive and know that they are loved. This is very different than loving your partner in your own way. If your partner is more auditory, for example, they need to hear that you love them by the quality of what you say and the tone of your voice as it caresses them. If your partner is predominantly visual, they need to be shown that you love them - by making love, by bringing them flowers, by going out to nature with them, by romancing them with a candle-lit meal. If your partner is predominantly kinetic, they need to feel you love them - the emotions and physical actions you make towards them are what they notice first of all.
It is no good telling and a visual person you love them and expecting them to receive it; they need to be shown.
Their primary way of processing the world is like the key which opens the vault to their heart. An argument between an auditory woman and a visual man can go like this, "What do you mean I don't love you - I tell you all the time!" "How can you say that - we never make love - you never show me you love me!"
The auditory woman may be baffled why her visual partner doesn't feel loved when she is telling him she loves him all the time. She is giving love in the way that is her own way of processing the world. This means close to nothing to a visual person. He needs to be shown through gestures and actions of love-making that she loves him. Then he feels loved.
The argument can go the other way too, from a visual man to an auditory woman, "How can you say I don't love you - I try to make love with you all the time!" "But you never say you love me - listen to the tone of your voice!"
So I help couples to really see how the other works, and create a bridge between them. Then they can really meet their partner's needs in the way that their partner needs to be loved, rather than the way they need to be loved. And I get both partners to do this with each other, however different they might be.
This creates a connection. And what couples need more than anything else, is to experience love and connection.
This also helps couples to experience each other as they really are. This creates genuine relationship and engagement. Because we all want to be really seen as we are, when this happens, it can be a profound experience for both people. It means we feel really seen and heard as well. It is being in relationship with our partner on a whole souled level.
This is only the first step. Once we begin to attune to what we share with our partner and makes us happy, we can begin to play. Play is one of the things which makes us feel really alive. It is why we love laughing so much. It is one of our reasons, of pure joy, for being.
In our relationship building program we help you heal what is wrong - and also help you focus on and create what is amazing!
You can do this right now - by opening out your heart and mind, dropping any limitations - and saying Yes, to new experiences and to your partner!
You can do this walking in the rain, having a romantic meal together, walking the dog, cooking, doing courses which inspire and challenge you, performing, playing with kids! Whatever makes you feel alive together! We are rich beyond our wildest dreams in our creativity.
Often couples forget this - and become too preoccupied in simply living. We help you remember what it's like to feel truly connected and alive and live it!
It is my intention not only to save your relationship - but to create an amazing relationship! So in our program that's a huge part of what couples focus on!
To help couples do this in an authentic way, as I say, I teach communication skills the most advanced therapists learn, I help you identity your goals and what makes you feel live as individuals - and support each other as a couple, and thrive! I help you really experience yourself and understand your own way of being and to change anything you need to to help you aspire to live out your dreams from the place of "home" of who you truly are - with unlimited power, giving, focus, playfulness, honesty, determination, and contribution.
We help you tap into your true nature and live it!
It was my intention to create a program which went far beyond the dimensions of traditional couple counselling, and with my partner Linda, we have created a way for couples to not only solve their issues but to live more deeply and feel more alive by creating a deeper yet more freeing connection with each other - than ever before.
This program is part of the blog you are reading now, and the work we are doing.
If you would like to take your own journey further and to discover how we help couples go much further than traditional couple counselling and expand their lives, please feel free to call for a free initial telephone consultation, or if you may like to book an initial appointment, on 0800 024 8647.
THE RELATIONSHIP EXPERTS International Relationship Experts John Donlon and Linda Connors have over 30 experience between them. They offer powerful and life changing relationship couple counselling and personal development programmes. They work with individuals and couples in the UK, America, Europe and Australia. If you are in relationship crisis are ready to take the first step into saving your relationship you can contact us on 0800 024 86 47.
John offers relationship advice, solutions and share their thoughts on love, relationships, marriage and intimacy.