Six basic human needs

There are six basic human needs and these needs are at the core of relationship couple counselling. Possibly seven if you count control and the right to self-determination.

These are, the need for:
1) Contribution
2) Growth
3) Certainty
4) Significance
5) Variety
6) Love and connection.

We all have all of these needs. But every human being will place two of these at the top of their list. What they choose as the two most important will determine how they live their life.

An example of this is:Tony Robbins worked with a woman who placed Certainty or security at the top of her list, and second was love and connection. The result in her life was that when her Security was threatened, the flow of love and connection closed off.

Now this is huge.

Tony taught her to put Love and Connection above Security. In this way, she was able to maintain her love towards her husband, even when her material security was threatened. And in this way she was able to form a basis of love and connection with her husband. Out of which they could create financial abundance and what they needed. Thus making her far more "secure" than she could ever have been when she was placing her need for security as number one.

These choices we make in life are towards enlightenment and fulfilment. When we make choices which empower us to love our life expands. In fact, a person who places Contribution, Growth and Love and Connection at the top of this list, will automatically fulfill their other needs. Only this time it is possible in a loving relationship.

What are your important needs?

You may want to ask yourself - which of these needs are most important to you? If you place significance above love and connection, or security over growth - what effect does that have on your life?

If you place significance over love and connection, you may find that when your need for significance is threatened, you can not experience love and connection?

If you place material security over growth, you may find if your security is threatened you can not really grow and contribute fully in your relationships.

When our number one criteria (or need) is threatened nothing underneath becomes more important. When this happens, the threat to our number one criteria is then known as an "exit point," because then we exit from love and connection, being fully presence, and growth.

If Security is your number one priority, and your material security is threatened you will exit from love and connection, growth, contribution, variety, and significance - until you get security back. You will find love and connection, growth, and contribution flow once more.

Reading this, you may remember times in your life, when you have done this?

You may be doing it now sometimes in your current relationship?

If this is so, then like the woman Tony Robbins taught to re-structure her criteria to put love and connection above security - you have the chance to never again exit from the flow of love and connection you can experience - because your security is threatened.

If you literally put Growth, Love and Connection, and Contribution as the most important things for you - then you will have set your heart in a more helpful order for you to live more easily and fully, even when difficulties come in life.

You will not so easily put a lid on your love or your life when material security - or even your very survival - may be threatened, because then there will be something more important to you. And if and when you come to that place, that is a real security you can have which will never perish.

John Donlon Relationship Couple Counsellor and Coach