Why personal fulfilment is so important in relationships

The key to a fulfilling relationship is leading a fulfilling life. You may have talents, desires, skills, things you love, and it is vitally important you follow the things which give you the joy of fulfilling your nature and growing as a human being to enjoy your gifts to the world.

At the Heart of Relationships London couple counselling programme one of the most important things we do, is to get you to share your goals as an individual for your life. The things which you want to do with your life. This may be very different than your partner, but being really clear about what brings you joy means that it can become a priority in your life, and your partner if they want to cherish and value you for the happiness of your relationship can help you thrive in what you want to do, and work as a team.

This "working as a team" is very important - as it means you tuning into and supporting them in their fulfillment too - and working together is amazing, when you both enjoy each other's fulfillment and generate joy in this way.

Very quickly couples learn that the most generous thing they can do is also the most joyful thing for themselves and those who truly love them. You may find giving inspires your partner to give more too.

Sometimes couples get stuck when their needs are not met - and have the attitude "Well, I am not going to give anything, until he/she goes first!" They may then judge, blame, complain, give the cold shoulder, make the other persons and their own life hell for hours or days, weeks, months or years.

It's almost though they act as if punishing the other person would get them what they want. What it does generate is a life of misery which runs the other person down and creates a negative way of living for themselves in relationship.

Fortunately, this spiral can be changed to a constructive cycle - and the for couples who come to understand the elements of positivity, well-formed outcomes, and relationship building, through enjoyment of the fulfillment of their own gifts and their partners', very quickly come to turn things around, and with even more energy than they were using up being negative - begin to work with a passion to enjoy creating experiences and a life which is rewarding and a joy to live - based upon mutuality.

This can apply to many areas of your life, or to specific areas, such as sex and intimacy.

Sex and intimacy are such vital aspects of living to gloss over them with a life which is passable but not fulfilling is like having a Ferrari and taking it to the corner shop once or twice every two months.

Your partner can respond any way they wish - but ultimately not fulfilling this part of a relationship is not fulfilling themselves. They can of course if they choose stay sexless and non-intimate in a relationship for a long time. At the Heart of Relationships one of the most obvious things to get across is that a pattern where one or both partners are not giving their gifts in all spheres to the other is in the end bound to be self-defeating.

Ultimately the principle applies: the more love you give the more you have.

The more generous you are the more a generous field is created around you to inspire others.

In intimate relationships this is part of your "deep relationship pattern". This is the pattern you have with the most intimate person in your life.

The people who do care to give out of themselves have more of themselves and the creation of which we are apart. That's the nature of generosity and of the universe in which we live in. Generosity inspires generosity.

If you and your partner would like to turn your issues and limiting patterns into a breakthrough in your sexual, emotional, intimate deep relationship patterns to create positive spirals which constantly enrich your life and relationship, call Linda or John on 0800 024 8646.

John Donlon