During our time working with couples and individuals over the years it has become very apparent that not all couple counsellors or relationship coaches are trained adequately or have enough experience to really help couples. When some couples contact us they say that this is often their last chance, if this doesn't work they will seriously consider separating or divorcing. They tried traditional couple counselling or relationship coaching and feeling in a state of despair. Once of the first questions we ask couples when they have previously worked with a couple counsellor is:
Many traditional couple counsellors are very well meaning however often they do not have the necessary training to really help couples move from where they are to where they want to be. This is what sets us apart from traditional couple counselling and coaching. On our couple counselling and coaching programme: We will help you to set goals both individually and as a couple so you know where you want to move to and share this vision together. We teach the art of communication so you know how to communicate openly, honestly and with respect. We also teach you how to really listen and hear what your partner is saying. We teach relationship skills such as conflict management to help you in your future so you are equipped with the necessary skills to manage any disagreements or conflicts. We help you to rebuild your relationship with honesty, trust, integrity, love and respect We are solution focussed and goal orientated. We only address any childhood issues if it is impacting your relationship now. We teach you the necessary skills to make your relationship successful and to build a powerful partnership together to enable you to have the strength and the resources to deal with whatever life throws at you. If you are committed and are ready to work with us to save your relationship we look forward to hearing from you.
Please click here to contact us Sometimes when couples come to me for Couple Counselling in London, they are at war. Often it's not that they don't value and respect whatever the other person is putting forwards, but they have their values in a different order than their partner.
For example, one partner may prioritize their child's education, believing this will give them the opportunity to have a good job; another partner may prioritize simply getting a good job and place education way down the scale. From conflict into alignment When a couple came to me, at war with these exact issues, I helped them to align to the same values they shared, although in a different order. They both agreed education was important, and that their daughter getting a job where she was able to live a fulfilling life was also important regardless of the different order they placed these things in. When they could agree that somewhere along the list of each of their criteria they could tick off the same values - they had peace. Amazingly what happened, was that they found they could work together in perfect harmony, supporting their daughter, and supporting each other to do the best for their daughter. Often it's not that certain values or criteria are totally unimportant to one partner, it's that certain values or criteria simply aren't held in the same place in the hierarchy of their values as their partner may hold the same value. Acceptance When each partner can accept that they still hold the same values somewhere on their list of criteria, that's when a couple can really work together. If you notice you or your partner arguing about things. Specifically if you notice arguing about which order things "should" be in as the most important, you may discover that by supporting your partner's values and the order that they are in, however different from yours' - gives you an opportunity to work together as a team. Because it's not the order of importance which is most important, what is important is that somewhere along the line of your hierarchy of criteria of what is important to you - you both share and value the same things. This is one of the keys to build strong relationships - alignment and acceptance. John Donlon London Couple Counselling The difference at The Heart of Relationship Couple Counselling and Relationship Coaching experience17/6/2016
What makes our couple counselling and relationship coaching experience different?
When Deborah and Tony came to me after doing the rounds of couple counselling and still no further on in their relationship, they told me almost immediately, that what I was doing with them was different. They were able to talk, and hear each other, and consequently discover their shared mutual goals which drew them together and gave them a shared vision for their lives, for the first time, ever, since their marriage. In a structured couple counselling session there are a great many elements, some of which are inter-linked – but I’d like to share with you just one thing I do with clients which really works. What I do, is I teach them the most advanced counselling listening skills that I myself learned and have taken years to develop and get to grips with – and encourage the underlying qualities clients have as human beings which make those skills really count in their relationship. So that clients can take a skill they’ve literally experienced and has helped move them on further along in resolving or perhaps completely solving some issue between them, and really implement that into their lives. Not only do they learn a skill, but they grow as human beings – as people, and they grow together, which helps to form a bridge and connection between them - and that is just some of the beauty I find in couple counselling and relationship coaching – that couples take things and make them their own, and get creative with the content of what they want, and what they want to say, so that their lives expand beyond anything I might have imagined for them. If you’d like to come to couple counselling relationship coaching assessment to experience how you and your partner can move forwards, ring 0800 024 8647 or 07960 214 336 and you can ask to speak with John or Linda today. There are things you can do, to make your life better, and to live as a better person, adding to your own stature as a human being and other people's lives, especially in your most intimate relationships.
Remember: When two people live consciously in this way, it is most powerful! 1. Start the day consciously and positively: When you wake up, make sure you greet your partner in a positive tone of voice - and start the day by saying at least 3 positive things - and always be grateful for whatever positive things they do. If you ignore your partner when you wake up, and the first things out of your mouth are complaints or negatives - perhaps a string of negative statements, this isn't the best way to consciously begin your day. Start by creating positives! And two people creating positives - create a positive Circle! 2. Have a positive outcome for the day, which brings you closer to your big dreams, and several smaller steps which make the day more positive: Your big dreams are obviously you bigger goals, which may not be doable immediately, so do something today which moves you towards those dreams practically. Smaller things you can do, should include getting in touch with your body at the beginning of the day - have a shower, go for a walk somewhere you love, make love, have a bath, a nice meal, dance. 3. Use the power of perspective: The power of perspective can change the whole meaning of a situation. One of the things we do at the Heart of Relationships is reframe problems as opportunities for growth. If you have a problem and feel it's a roadblock, then you may feel you have no future. Being able to use a problem or an issue to actually increase your resources, skills and talents, and enjoy the process of overcoming it brings with it not only tremendous confidence, but inspiration, love, and wisdom. When someone was unfair and negative towards me I viewed it as an opportunity to stand up and show who I am in what I said and did and didn't buy into their negative reality - which in turn changed the situation and the whole relationship. You too can use the power of perspective to reframe things in the kindest, wisest, most compassionate - and also honest and real light, in your relationship. And the more you do it, the more it creates a positive pattern, as a way of being, in yourself and in your relationship. 4. Consciously sort for positive instead of negative: NLP discovered that people "sort" for things, on either side of a spectrum. If you take a person's sentence, you can generally understand how they are sorting for things, which can be a help if you want to get into their world and communicate better. It can also help you have more control and understanding of the way you sort for things, and this kind of understanding can help you change the way you think and have far more awareness and conscious choice of the way you are in relationships. Examples of the way people sort for things on either side of a spectrum as defined by NLP are listed below. Good Bad Possibility Necessity In time (present focused) Through time (future focused) Self Others Towards Away from Internal validation External validation Same Difference Specific Generalities Positive Negative Improving situations depends upon how you sort for things, and responding appropriately. There are many other factors involved, such as empathy, mutuality, honesty, ect. But understanding how people sort, and how you sort for things, can be very useful. Seeing the table just above may give you more awareness and inspire you to sort for things in the most constructive and generous way for your life! Some obvious suggestions are: Consciously sort for positive instead of negative. Consciously sort for gratitude instead of blame. If you want to improve you life, sorting for positive and gratitude, can begin to implement a positive circle - which works like a blessing to generate amazing things, if both people are doing it honestly and generously! 5. Always state things in terms of a positive solution rather than a problem: The following statements are ways of taking the exact same situation in different ways. They are also deliberately using negative individual vs positive team building statements. Problem focused thinking: Solution focused thinking: I don't know if I'm attracted to my partner any more. How do I create an amazing sex life with my partner and for myself? He never does anything for me anymore. How can we do more for each other, to make our relationship better? We haven't enough money. How can we work together to create what we want and need? 6. Go first: Living with unconditional love is a basis for change - change is not a basis for unconditional love! This simple statement is so important, that understanding and implementing it in the way you live your life with your partner, is literally the difference between creating and building your relationship - or destroying it. If you want love - appreciation - an amazing sex life or whatever - and you are waiting for your partner to change - Don't wait for your partner to go first - or you might be waiting a long time to create what you want - make sure you begin with you! Make sure you go first! Change the game - change the dynamic - instead of having two people with their arms folded waiting for the other person to change - extend the invitation with love for your partner to meet you in what you are offering to create! When you begin with unconditional love for yourself, what you say to yourself, and the way you think, your statements will begin to change too! You can move from conditional self-limiting demanding to unconditional self-love and relationship building statements! Below are just a few examples of conditional self-limiting statements vs relationship building statements I am not going to have sex until things change. I am going to change first and make the effort with goodwill, knowing that generosity and love is a basis which creates a State where things are already changing for the better. So I am going to initiate the change to create a better sex-life! (Notice in this statement the person puts State as a basis for Action to produce Results! Being aligned like this as a person produces statements and actions which are effective, genuine, creative and giving. When someone is aligned spiritually with their values, beliefs and actions you know you're talking to someone with understanding, love, and generosity who is already being the change they want in this world) I am waiting for my partner to appreciate me, before Appreciating myself means I can act out of I show them love or give anything. a place of strength rather than need - so I meet my own needs and I'm not waiting for love - I already have it in myself! And that's a great place to build a loving relationship with another person. So I'm going to show my partner I love them and welcome everything they give. I action and offer the opportunity to grow together! Quite simply, two people are stronger working together, and have something to build on - when they start with love. If one or both partners starts tearing down the relationship, fixated on what they want instead of appreciating and using what they have, then they create a ruin - and ruins are not very good foundations to build upon. Which is why at the Heart of Relationships we nurture the best positive perspectives, and values for relationship building and encourage both people to adopt and implement them - and then upon this basis implement the skills techniques and interpersonal-processes we teach and experience the results! 7. Live making an effort for your relationship today: Do something special or new or outside of your comfort zone to make your relationship a little more special today. 8. Look at things in terms of universal goodness - that is - what is good for both of you instead of just from your own side. People who focus on what they can give in a universal sense give spontaneously and originally. Adding to the relationship in this way means also giving things alot of people who have the same universal sensibilities and values would appreciate and enjoy in the world if they saw you. This is living out of your skills talents and gifts - so that you are shining. And two people giving and receiving are shining. Universality means similar patterns and processes which cross language, culture, religion and which people share as part of the love of Good. I have a friend Lucy; when we talk speak about things we talk in a way which has a strong personal meaning which unites the heart - no matter what culture, language, religion or philosophy you hear it from. 9. Live generously and appreciatively being thankful for and using what you have rather than fixating on what you want with blame 10. Notice how your thoughts begin, and live with the love of good: Every thought has a beginning. If the thought we begin with isn't true in the sense of loving goodness is true - as one thought lead to another - and this is how we construct our stories and personal realities - it's essential to notice how thoughts begin, and begin deconstructing and constructing the way we think with the love of goodness. Byron Katie suggest four questions to apply to our thinking which helps us to do this. The questions are, simply: 1) Is it true? 2) Can you absolutely know that it is true? 3) How do you respond - live your life - when you attach to that thought? 4) Who would you be...without that thought? Using this process people can deconstruct thoughts which aren't true and find better paths and ways of living. This is also part of mindfulness and enlightenment. Applying this process to explore your thoughts, your life, your self, and your relationships, can help you become lighter, clearer and wiser. Added to this, the love of good is very constructive - this can all help you build a wonderful life and partnership! If you chose by understanding, implementing and actioning that what is existentially true is actually the love of goodness, which builds up relationships, and is creative, you can enter upon a path of personal enlightenment which can change your life for the better. 11. Live with goodwill: Will is a powerful word, and good will gives force and power to generosity - use it! In other words, Action the good that you see to do! 12. Act with commitment and don't stop "until" you see the positive results you want to see: many people have all the ingredients of success, all the strategies, the values and beliefs to get what they really want in life but don't succeed - because they don't practice these things until they succeed - Keep going until you succeed - realise that success ultimately is a life-long process - and don't exit beforehand! John Donlon and Linda Connors work at the Heart of Relationships, helping people transform their lives and relationships. One of the secrets to keeping love alive, is getting your priorities in order. Many couples say that having a healthy sex life is a priority, but when it comes down to it - the washing up, tidying the house, cleaning the floors, washing the car, doing the garden - a myriad of little things, can take the place of the most important activities in your life.
The difference is we need to do the practicalities to keep order and to make things work - we fulfill our need for sex, love and connection to feel truly alive and fulfilled. Don't make the unimportant things more important than the truly important things! Don't make a myriad of small things more important than a sexual relationship with you partner, than writing the book you want to write, than being in nature, than getting off your mobile phone or computer and actively contributing to the world with your unique talents! There are six main needs all human beings have in life. Not just drives, but needs we have to have met. The first four are 1) Security 2) Variety/fun 3) Significance 4) Love and connection. We need to have these needs met to survive. The next two needs bring us our spiritual fulfillment. These are 5) Growth 6) Contribution. If a person meets the needs for Growth and Contribution it follows that there other needs will be met automatically, when we are growing and contributing, we fulfill our need for love and connection, for security, variety, and significance. If you find yourself having no time for what is truly important to you because of all the little things, maybe it's time to make space for that love making you say is important but you are always too tired to do - or to set aside time to to write your book instead of filling you time with house-work everyday - or to walk in the mornings and be in nature instead of waking up to your mobile phone or laptop! One study showed that couples who invest time doing quality things are happier in their lives than those who don't make regular time because they allow their lives to be consumed with the small stuff! If this is you, you can take control of your life now, stop making excuses why what you say you value most in your life isn't happening, put down the hoover - and make a real connection through love making with your partner, or let those dishes go for a while and go and give yourself the space to write that book! Whatever is really most important to you and brings you fulfillment on a spiritual level. This will enrich your life immeasurably more than being tied up with a myriad of little things like Gulliver's ropes - all small - but the cumulative effect is that he was unable to move tied down by a myriad of little things unable to fully feel alive! Movement in the sense of your fulfillment is what is most important. And if you take action to make it more important than the other daily chores of life - then like the saying says "Your stones will be put in order," your whole life and relationship will come into alignment, and work on a much more profound level which leaves you richer spiritually. At times it's natural for relationships to enter conflict. You are two individual people with your own past history, hurts, stories and way of being in the world. Two people who are united in love and togetherness. Two people who also have a very different way of experiencing the world. If conflict and hurt becomes common place it can be difficult to be re-united in love. To ignite the magic between you both. To come together and talk kindly, honestly and with truth. I wanted to share this beautiful meditation with you by John O'Donohue called Love in Time of Conflict. When the gentleness between you hardens And you fall out of your belonging with each other, May the depths you have reached hold you still. When no true word can be said, or heard, And you mirror each other in the script of hurt, When even the silence has become raw and torn, May you hear again an echo of your first music. When the weave of affection starts to unravel And anger begins to sear the ground between you, Before this weather of grief invites The black seed of bitterness to find root, May your souls come to kiss. Now is the time for one of you to be gracious, To allow a kindness beyond thought and hurt, Reach out with sure hands To take the chalice of your love, And carry it carefully through this echoless waste Until this winter pilgrimage leads you Towards the gateway to spring. Linda Connors at The Relationship Specialises in helping men and women overcome sexual issues and also live with more loving-kindness in their life and relationships.
We also provide Couple Counselling and Coaching. Do you ever feel when you talk to your partner, they are just not hearing you? Do you ever feel when your partner speaks, they just don't understand?
At the Heart of Relationships on our couple counselling success programme we give you the space to feel secure, listened to, and really heard. Couples sometimes suffer for months or years wanting to move forwards, but not knowing how. When you come to us at the Heart of Relationships we give you both equally the space and the coaching to learn communication skills and hear each other, perhaps for the first time, in those areas you feel apart, and would like to come together on, to change your relationship. The three of us working together in this way in a warm space creates a bridge between you and a way to move forwards together valuing and supporting each other as individuals - and in this way you can begin working as a powerful partnership. What means something in your life, what is really important to you, is supported and shared by your partner's own motivation to create an amazing life between you. Listening to your situation as it is now, hearing your journeys of how you got here, and hearing your dreams of how you would like things to be, we nurture and support your relationship by giving you the understanding of how we can help your unique situation really move forwards. . When you see the first results of trying new things, this builds trust upon a basis of understanding and gives you the experiences of how relationships really work well, along with homework you can take home and implement new changes into your lives. When people comes to us on the verge of crisis, on the verge of splitting up, thinking of divorce, feeling lonely, frustrated and unheard....the more blocks, misunderstanding, hurtful experiences, mistrust there is, the more we can do to help you really resolve those issues and create a new foundation expanding all the things that bring you together eliminating needless arguments and destructive patterns to create a new way of relating where you can enjoy building a beautiful life together. From crisis, anxiety, worry, and destructive patterns which create isolation and distrust, we help you form a bridge to connect, come together, and find a real way forwards. At the heart of relationships we accompany you as you begin to create the experiences to shape an amazing life together, based upon your own desires for the best life you can have. Working with us at The Heart of Relationships within the first session you will notice big changes. Within two months your relationship can move significantly forwards from where you are now to where you both discover you really want to be, and a way to get there. You will experience A way to talk, when you can't. A way to move forward, when you're stuck. A way to come together, when you're apart. And a way to become a powerful partnership together. For many couples our two month program produces positive results which gives them a firm foundation and experience of relationship building skills which they find themselves implementing into their lives and are already discovering those huge positive changes really enjoyable. Other couples come to love the work so much they just keep getting better and better and find they can benefit longer the longer they work for. Usually for these couples sustaining the natural high of their relationship and approaching problems and issues in a really positive way which builds their relationship and makes them even stronger gives them a confidence which grows the more they use it. They can take everything and continue building their relationship for the rest of their lives. This process can be anything from 3 months to a year. How long it takes depends upon you and you work together. But it always feels right. If you would like to move your relationship forwards in a positive way whatever issues you are facing call Linda on 0753 421 3557 or John on 0800 024 8647. Understanding Sexual Anorexia
Sexual Anorexia is a term coined by Dr. Patrick Carnes. It is when one or both partners in relationship are addicted to safety, instead of sexual intimacy. Safety from intimacy becomes the focus - and the avoidance of sex, talking about sex, or acts of sexual intimacy, is what the person who is sexually anorexic actively pursues, at the expense of their sexual relationship with their partner. The need for safety or security over intimacy In their need to avoid sexual intimacy, a person suffering from sexual anorexia may give their partner the cold shoulder, the silent treatment, or punish them in some way, should they broach the subject of sexual intimacy. Often the person who is sexually anorexic may have no idea why they are acting this way towards the person they love. The sexually anorexic person may have a healthy sex drive The sexually anorexic person who suffers from this addiction to safety and avoids sexual intimacy may have a very healthy sex drive, and find outlets for that drive which doesn't include their partner, from fantasies, to pornography, to frequent masturbation. There is nothing wrong with the sex drive of someone who suffers from sexual anorexia, and frequently, even the start of the relationship can be very sexual indeed. Sexual anorexia - belongs to intimate relationships It is over time, when intimacy and deep relationship patterns come into play - and real intimacy is threatened, that the person who suffers from fear of intimacy and compulsion for safety may go out of their way to avoid sex with their partner and sabotage this aspect of their relationship. This stops their most intimate relationship from developing in a healthy, nurturing, exciting, bonding and thriving way, which magnifies their sexual connection and fun, and from enhancing their relationship and life together. Just imagining every time you mention sex - it's an off-limits subject - or you get some barbed comment! Or disinterest. Or a person who is afraid to give their heart in sexual intimacy with their partner may find themselves running down and blaming their partner. They may not understand clearly what the issue is themselves. How could it be them? They may ask, when their sex drive is perfectly healthy. Sexual anorexics may abstain from sex except when they are intoxicated. They may be very rigid and avoidant of normal sexual expression in their relationship, but when inhibitions are lowered they may "binge" and allow themselves and their partner an oasis of sexual intimacy. Origins of sexual anorexia There can be many causes for the avoidance of sex and seeking safety through sexual anorexia - from experiences in childhood where the sexual anorexic could not bond with the opposite parent because the parent was either distant, abusive, or unavailable. Or if one parent was particularly cruel and supported by the other - the imprinting of this relationship upon the child can convey the message that relationships between men and women - deeply intimate relationships - are not safe. This can easily be generalized as a subconscious "message" that intimacy and healthy attachment with the opposite sex in general is not safe. This is why sexual anorexia is not about the person they are with, but about intimacy. The past sexual relationships or a person suffering from sexual anorexia may often be of a sado-masochistic nature keeping real sexual intimacy at bay. However, if these relationships were emotionally and physically abusive - in retrospect their past sexual experiences may amass memories and lead to shame and self-loathing being carried either consciously or subconsciously into the new relationship. Other types of issues may arise out of particular cultural or religious attitudes which see sex as shameful can also contribute to this problem. It is the sexually anorexic person who has the issue It is important for the spouse of a sexually anorexic person to realize that their partner will have this issue whoever they are in a relationship with. If it was not with them, then it will be the next partner, and the next - however many partners down the line, until this issue is identified, understood, and resolved in a healthy sexual and emotional relationship. Sexual anorexia will affect the couple, but it is not a couple issue. The person who suffers from sexual anorexia is responsible for their own issue. It is never the spouse who is to blame. The upside of this is that once the person who suffers from sexual anorexia identifies and addresses the problem, their relationship can change unrecognizably to one of sexual fulfillment and mutual connection and happiness. Solutions for individuals and couples suffering from sexual anorexia If any of these issues ring a bell with your relationship, it is possible to overcome sexual anorexia and develop a program which builds up sexual and intimate connection in your relationship. Identifying and naming the problem is halfway towards a solution. The rest of the way is being committed to understanding and resolving the roots of this issue as it may be for the person suffering in this way, and taking action to change and build their current relationship as they increase risk, heal themselves and build their sexual life together with their partner in exciting new and intimate ways. An understanding partner who accompanies you on this journey will also probably rejoice at the opportunity to have a real,intimate, growing, sexual and emotional connection that enriches their lives and your relationship - and that allows them to give and receive the gift of intimacy with the person they love. We are experts at helping people work through sexual anorexia and re-connecting with their partners to create a relationship which is not only strong, but thriving. Call 0800-024-8647 to re-kindle sexual intimacy and re-build your relationship today. John Donlon provides London couple counselling and relationship coaching to couples in crisis. Call today to discuss how John can help you to improve your relationship. One of the mistake many people make in their relationship is that they try to form and mould the other person in a way this fits their needs, hopes and desires. On a unconscious level they are sending out a message that says "If you want to be special to me, if you want me to love you then you must meet my conditions. The moment you fail to meet these you lose my love". It's a very controlling way to live and be in relationships and most people do not realise they are doing it. Some couples try to get all their needs met from just the one person - their partner. A few years ago we lived in communities, neighbours knew each other, it was easier to visit family and friends - we had a bigger support network that was there to help us when we needed it. In our changing times many of us try to get all our needs meet by the one person. You must dance to my tune so I can get all my needs meet. You must have these values, car, house, financial security, ambitions, goals and so on - only then will I love you. What a huge pressure that places on the relationship and the person. It's unrealistic and very difficult to maintain. One of the greatest gifts you can give your partner is the freedom to be who they are. Without any fears, judgements, condition or controls. This is true love. Anthony De Mollo in his book The Way to Love suggests saying this; I leave you to be free to be yourself; To think your thoughts, Indulge your tastes, Follow your inclinations, Behave in ways that you decide are to your liking. In order to create this freedom for your partner you must be willing to create freedom for yourself. To let go of attachments, fears, jealously, manipulation, judgements, conditions and control. Once you have offered this gift and freedom to your partner you then have the capacity to break free from yourself. To allow your heart and love to grow with freedom. Unconditionally, whole and expanding. That's the greatest gift you give to your partner - the freedom to be who they truly are. To follow their own drum, their own dance. Then the two of you will meet. Two dances emerging to create something truly beautiful. Do you need relationship support? John Donlon and Linda Connors help couples to experience more love, connection and joy in their relationship - on a very deep, profound and transformational way.
For more information on couple counselling in London and Bath please call us on +44 (0) 753 421 3557. As a London Couple counsellor and relationship coach more and more recently I've noticed that when people come into close intimate relationship on a one to one basis - their deeper patterns come out, in ways it never comes out in other ways to other people. We all get angry. Without exception. It's how aware we are, and what we do on the back of that which determines what happens next. Both men and women have come to sessions and said, "I was angry so I..." and then they'd recount how they name-called, got physically aggressive, or done something else. What I noticed, is that instead of an apology, there is usually an explanation and justification for their anger. Without differentiation between legitimate anger, and what they do upon the back of that. It really counts if someone chooses to act and speak constructively on the back of their anger. So I call clients on name-calling, rage behavior, losing it, and invite them to be responsible for their words and actions and become more of the person they would be proud to have anyone see in their private moments. And this is part of relationship building. The other pattern, is running the relationship down, abusing one's partner, and their is always then a "because" whether through disappointments, unmet needs, or simple cruelty. But justification of destructiveness on the back of anger is not an enlightened way of being. And enlightenment leads to greater choice and building a far better relationship, where two people can really create what they want. Saying "ouch" when something hurts, and saying "sorry" when you are cruel, counts. It's the mark of a mature person striving for a more positive relationship. It also opens up trust, and confidence when you are real and say "ouch" or "sorry". From there, it is important to want something positive - a positive outcome. It makes the way clear to build a good relationship, and takes out the stumbling blocks of cruelty, bringing the other person down because you know their vulnerabilities, or punishing them for unmet needs. It makes couple counselling and living as a partnership much easier, more powerful, real, and beautiful. John Donlon |
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